southerngirl08's Blog

Hi everyone, I am here to say I am doing much better.  I have moved to North Western North Dakota, and December 31st 2009 at 11:55pm I and my husband  quit smoking and have not touched another one since.  I only used Prayer and bubble mint gum to do it.  God gave me what I needed to do it.  I am so happy to have asked him to help me, this time it worked, and now I know why it never worked all the other times I tried.  I wasn't ready to do it and I didnt ask the lord for help.  I smoked for over 28 yrs, thats how old my oldest child was last yr, and I smoked 3 packs a day as well.  I am so proud of the fact that I accomplished something.  I and my husband and my sister in law and her husband go to church on sundays, and i haven't missed one since we moved here.  That is something there to, I wasn't going back in Iowa, neither was my husband he worked seven days aweek so he didnt go either.  I have changed my life for the better and I am so happy that we have done what we are doing.  I miss my wonderful grand children so very much.  That is the only area of my life that hasn't changed, and it wont until there mother decides to stop hating me for what ever reason she uses to hate me, and do what she needs to do to make her life better but mostly my grand childrens life needs to be better.  My daughter has a mental illness, she has told people that I tortured her, and I have never done that, and God knows this, so thats all I need, I just wish I understood why she is like this, why she lies to people in such a way, is it because she wants attention? I am just not sure why she chooses to do this, she has to be sick, that is the only thing I can see that would make her do and say such crazy out of this world stuff.  I finally just told her I was done, that we are happy now, and she isnt going to hurt me any more, I wont allow it, and I said to leave me alone, and when she decides to get well, then she can contact me.  It really sucks that my grand children have to suffer because of there mother.  And that we have to go with out seeing them, she uses them like they are her property, I told her she doesnt own them, they are people and they will grow up and they will leave and go out on there own, and she cant stop them, I miss them so much, and I hope they know how much me and grandpa loves them.  She tells them horrible things about us, like we dont love them, and we don't want to see them, she lies to them so much.  I hope that God will let them know the truth.  Ok, thats all for tonight, I am so tired, and I have a doc appt tomorrow.  so good nite to you all.  Pam

I am so lost right now, the pain in my heart is so great nothing can take away the pain.  My four grand children are still gone, and I have done all I can to help save there lives from there mother and her boy friend.  The last time I saw them was July 19th after another 9 months of raising them.  There mother is the most evil person I have ever met in my entire life. She only has them for the money the state give her for them.  And because I wouldn't be her puppet on a string and do what ever she wanted I no longer get to see them.  I was the one there when they woke from nightmares I was the one who helped them when they were sick, I was the one they came to when they got hurt, and now I see them no more.  She uses them as pawns in her sick game.  Those of you who know me know this situation that we have been in for a very long time.  We moved back to Iowa from Georgia for these babies.  I and my husband have raised them 90% of there life.  I am so lost with out them, I want to stop this pain in my chest but I cant till the day they walk back into my life, it may  be when its to late to help them from the syco world there mother has them in.  I don't want my grand children to become thieves or drug addicts like her, she is a sociopath, and our entire family on her fathers side my side and my husband side of the family all truly believe this and that she has a serious mental illness, and this is where they are at.  DHS does nothing to help the children.  I wish I had the words to put this in a letter to our Governor but I am so emotional it wouldn't even sound right, I cant go on like this much longer.  Maybe some one out here in EP can help me.  IT HURTS SO MUCH, I CANT STAND IT

Omg, I was able to put the picture in the blog, I love Ep, lol, this is the one I have been talking about.  IF there is anyway you can copy this picture to a picture program and zoom in on it you will see a face in the yellow part of this object.  its not a pleasant face either, it scared me bad. ok, thats all, I am just shocked i got to put a picture in a blog post. lol. pam

     Yes You read it right, We, Northern Georgia had a earth quake last night about 7:13pm.  I didn't feel it but It did happen, it was about 2.8 on the Richter scale, so basicly you had to be right on top of it to feel it. lol. but it did happen how weird. lol 

I just found this rate the worst gift thing, so could you all go and rate mine, only an hour or so left.  I got in at the last moment, but if you look you will agree mine is the worst gift ever. lol  pam

Hello to all of my friends and thanks so much to my best friend Willow.  I am now in Tennessee we just got in this past weekend and i am wore out from the drive.  I couldnt wait to get online to say hi.  i wont be on a lot cuz we havent gotten into a house yet and i have to use the hotel computer.  but i want everyone to know we are ok and i am excited about being here.  I miss you all so much.  I will stop in once in a while to say hi.  love you all.  Pamela

hello everyone, i need to tell you that i will be offline for some time begining in the next week or so.  I am disconnecting my home phone and internet because we are going to be moving.  So if I dont get back with  you, its cuz i cant.  Unless I use someone elses computer.  mine will be in a box till we get moved.  Please pray that my hubby gets this job and we move soon after.  next week we go to Chattanooga and we should know more after that.  Ok.  love you all and take care.  Willow call me ok.  once we get moved and I get hooked back up I will let you all know. 

 Pamela

The Bag Lady and Thanksgiving Dinner

  It was very cold and a light snow was falling as young Jimmy

Dorche piloted his Ford Escort down the street toward the city

Park.

 Snow on Thanksgiving was a rarity in this part of the country and

It caused almost as much excitement as the traditional turkey

Dinner, the traditional afternoon of football, or the Macy's

Thanksgiving Day Parade on television.

 But none of these things were on 17-year-old Jimmy's mind at the

Moment as he carefully maneuvered his car over the blacktop.

 He had his own tradition to tend to and what he was looking for

He would probably find in the deserted park.

 Usually bustling with activity, even on cold days, the park was

Practically empty now.

 Everyone was home with friends and family enjoying their

Thanksgiving turkey.

 Jimmy was tempted to have a bit more dinner himself, but his

Second helping sat on the car seat beside him along with a big

Hunk of Mom's homemade pumpkin pie and a Thermos bottle of hot

Coffee.

 Jimmy wouldn't succumb to temptation and eat more today.

 For the past two years, Jimmy had established a tradition for

Himself.

 He had never suffered a hungry day in his life.

 The son of an unwed teenaged mother, he was given up for adoption

As an infant and was taken in by a Christian family.

 When he was fifteen, to honor his Lord as well as his parents, he

Decided to take his second helping of Thanksgiving dinner to the

Park to share with a homeless man or woman.

 His first year, he had found a man who had been on his own since

He was thirteen.

 In the summer he worked odd jobs, but in winter he lived at the

Local rescue mission where he earned an occasional dollar by

Cleaning up the place.

 The second year, he shared his Thanksgiving dinner with an

Elderly man whose wife had died long before and his children had

Moved to another city.

 They never contacted their father nor offered to help him in any

Way. "I reckon they're ashamed of me," the rheumy old man had

Said.

 Throughout the year, Jimmy often thought about the two men.

 He had gone to the mission to try to find them, but they were

Gone without a trace.

 Now Jimmy wondered who he would meet this Thanksgiving.

 As soon as he arrived at the park, he saw a ragged woman sitting

Hunched over on the bench of one of the heavy concrete picnic

Tables provided by the city.

 She wore an old battered red coat and a dark wool cap over her

Matted, graying hair.

 Close beside her was the tattered bag that carried all her

Worldly possessions.

 Jimmy pulled the car into a parking place and got out.

 He took the covered dishes and the Thermos bottle from the front

Seat and began walking toward the bag lady.

 When he stood in front of her, she jumped as if she had suddenly

Been awakened from dozing.

 She looked up at Jimmy.

 Suddenly her eyes brightened and she started to speak but,

Instead, she lowered her head and stared at the frozen ground.

 "God bless you, ma'am," Jimmy said, smiling. "I have brought you

Some Thanksgiving dinner. Would you do me the honor of sharing it

With me."

 The woman looked at the food.

 She was very hungry -- she hadn't eaten since last night's dinner

At the mission.

 She nodded and Jimmy served her food, uncovered the plates, put a

Napkin and silverware on the cold concrete picnic table, and

Poured her a streaming cup of coffee from the Thermos.

 Then he watched her as she ate.

 Although it was very cold in the park, he felt warm inside.

 The God of love was clearly at work within him.

 He loved his tradition and he intended to continue it -- and more

-- for the rest of his life.

 When the woman had finished, he cleared the table and put the

Dishes into a pile.

 He poured another cup of coffee into her Styrofoam cup and closed

The Thermos.

 Then he reached into his wallet and pulled out a twenty dollar

Bill.

 He thrust the money into her gnarled hand.

 Then he reached over and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

 "May God richly bless you, ma'am," he said softly. "And thank you

For giving me the honor of sharing my Thanksgiving dinner with

You."

 With that, Jimmy picked up his dishes and returned to the car.

 She had stayed in the city purposely to see him grow, but

Remained carefully in the background and out of sight so she

Would not embarrass him or cause him pain.

 Her own life was a shambles -- time spent in state mental

Hospitals and, at other times, living on the streets.

 But she had seen him grow into manhood and was very proud of his

many accomplishments. Today, she had longed to tell him who she

was, but could not bring herself to do it.

 Instead she thanked God that He had so richly blessed her today,

in spite of her trials.

 Tears welled up in her eyes.

 She had seen her son on Thanksgiving and he had loved his mother.

 The greatest among you will be your servant." (Matthew 23:11)

 My mood: extremely sad

Its time to tell you all about how the September 11th Attacks saved my husbands life. 

After the attacks my husband went to donate blood.  about a month later we received a letter from the Iowa Blood Center to see a doctor right away.  He had the anti bodies of the Hep c virus in his blood and they needed to run some tests. 

We went to the doctor and after they did there tests, we got the call from the doctor he did have it. Then he had to go in to get a liver biopsy.  After that we got the call, He has Acute Cirosis of the Liver.  And he needed treatment right away.

He had the option to have me give him the shots at home on friday nights. He chose to do so.  We went to the hospital and they showed me how to give him the shots.  So every Friday night for a year I injected him with the medicine that was going to make him sick, and make  his hair fall out. 

He then started to lash out at me.  I was the one giving him the shot that would make him sick.

He didnt think about how I was feeling.  I could get sick to.  I could get stuck with a needle.  I was the one he was treating like crap.

But I held it in.  I let him treat me that way cuz he was scared.  He didnt want to die, he didnt want his hair to fall out.  I didnt want to give him the meds that made him sick.  I didnt want to hurt him. But for one yr i kept it up.  Then finally the time came to check again and this time it said virus free.  They said he was cured but it can come back. 

I had to go in every six months to get checked to see if I had it, and thank God I didnt get it. 

Now we wait, we wait till he needs the Liver Transplant.